You Don’t Know What You’ve Got ‘Til It’s Gone
Genesis 45:1-11, 15
Preached August 31, 2008
Rev. Jeanne Thomas
Today we come to the last sermon in our series on the Dysfunctional Families of Genesis. And even though their tales have seemed far-fetched at times, in each story we’ve uncovered some human character trait that we all exhibit from time to time, and we’ve considered the degree to which it has affected our own lives and relationships. And today on this healing Sunday we look at our struggle with forgiveness, as we turn to the conclusion of the Joseph saga.
When last we met Joseph, it was eight chapters ago, and he was 17, spoiled, and overly confident. He told his brothers of a dream he had that he would rule over them, and they would bow down to him. And needless to say, they hated him for it and were ready to kill him. But when Midianite traders passed by they sold him to them instead.
But the story unfolds unlike either Joseph or his brothers expected:
V Joseph is sold to a high-ranking Egyptian named Potiphar, who quickly recognizes Joseph’s accounting skills and puts him in charge of his household.
V That lasts until Potiphar’s wife tries to seduce Joseph, and when he runs away from her, she accuses him of being the seducer and has him thrown in jail.
V But Joseph becomes friends with the guards and interprets the dreams of his fellow inmates, and when Pharoah hears of his abilities he has Joseph interpret his OWN dream. Joseph predicts a 7-year famine and proposes a plan to save Egypt.
V Pharoah likes the plan, puts him in charge, and Joseph is now the governor of all of Egypt.
V Meanwhile, things are not so good for Joseph’s family. The famine has reached them and they travel to Egypt in hopes of securing some of the grain they learn is stored there. And now we watch Joseph’s dream being fulfilled, as his brothers bow down to him, and place their lives in his hands.
Read Genesis 45:1-11, 15
For many of us, “I forgive you” can be three of the most difficult words in the English language. How can I forgive someone who has gossiped about me behind my back? How can I forgive a business colleague for double-crossing me? How do I forgive my unfaithful or alcoholic spouse who keeps breaking my heart? How can I forgive the parent who destroyed my self-esteem? How can I forgive the abuser, the murderer, the terrorist? Are we really expected to just forgive and forget?
Forgive, yes. Forget, no...at least, not according to the story of Joseph. Joseph was betrayed and abandoned by his brothers. And he remembers the pain, the rejection, the betrayal. But somehow he also forgives them, reconciles with them, and provides for them beyond their wildest expectations. Is someone REALLY able to do that?
If we look around us, there isn’t much evidence of forgiveness, is there? From road rage to law suits to holy wars, it appears that retaliation comes much more easily for us than does forgiveness. Yet, forgiveness is the centerpiece of scripture. “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors;” “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” “How many times should I forgive? Seventy time seven times.”
Forgiveness is at the heart of the Gospel, but hard to find in our lives and our world. Why? Because it isn’t an EXTERNAL act, but an INTERNAL one. We can’t just write a check to cover it or delete it from a to-do list. To forgive someone else first requires an inner transformation: a change of heart towards that person that threatens the core of our being. What if THEY don’t change? What if they won’t receive our forgiveness? What if when we become vulnerable and remove all of the layers of protection we’ve so carefully built around ourselves, we instead just open ourselves up to more pain and suffering?
Those were the questions Joseph asked himself as his brothers knelt before him. At first, he reveled in the power he held over them. After all, they were now completely at his mercy, just as he had been twenty years before. All the memories and hurt came flooding back as they looked to him for hope and a future. How many nights had he seen their faces in his nightmares as he relived that awful day when his brothers threw him into a pit, took his robe, and sold him into slavery? How great was his loss, being separated from his beloved father and delivered into the hands of his enemies? And he can’t resist the temptation to get back at them at first, and humiliate them for what they had done. He tells them to go home and get their brother, Benjamin, and then hides money in their sacks and throws them in jail for a few days for stealing...just so they would know what it feels like.
And when they return again with Benjamin, he still wants to strike back. He gives them grain, but then buries his silver cup in Benjamin’s belongings as they leave for the second time; then has his guards go after them and find the cup, and accuse Benjamin of stealing it. Those are the actions of a man who wants to exact revenge; not of a man who wants to offer forgiveness.
But when we harbor ill feelings towards someone, something happens inside us. Like rain falling on a copper pipe, our heart starts to corrode and it alters the way we think and act. We withdraw into ourselves and forget what it feels like to love fully. We store up resentment and anger until they weigh us down so much that we lose perspective on who we are and who we were meant to be.
There’s an old tale that’s a bit hokey, but makes the point well. It seems there was a baker who was known in his village for his righteousness. He never smiled or had much fun, but everyone knew he always did what was right. His wife respected him, but grew weary being around such austere righteousness day after day. And one day, he came home to find his wife in another’s arms. Everyone in the village assumed he would throw her out of the house, but to their surprise he did not.
The baker told everyone that he had forgiven her, just as the Good Book required him to do. But the truth was, in his heart he couldn’t forgive her for bringing shame upon him and their family. His feelings towards her grew colder and harder. And he punished her with looks of condemnation.
But God knew what was happening inside his heart and behind closed doors, and didn’t like it. So he sent an angel, and every time the baker felt his secret hate, the angel would drop a pebble inside his heart. The stones multiplied, and with each came a stab of pain like that he had experienced when he first found his wife in the arms of another. Over time, his whole body began to bend forward with the weight and he began to pray for the pain to go away.
The angel appeared to the baker and said, “You may be healed, but first you need to look back and see your wife not just as the one who betrayed you, but as a flawed, needy, imperfect person like yourself.” “Nothing can change the past,” the baker protested. “You are right,” the angel said. “You can only heal the hurt that comes from the past and discover the grace to move into the future.”
“How do I do that?” the baker asked. “Each time you feel disdain, pray for love instead,” the angel answered, “and a stone will be lifted from your aching heart.”
The baker couldn’t do it at first…he had grown comfortable in his anger and resentment. But his heart was too heavy to continue as he was, and he began to pray for grace and forgiveness. And soon his heart grew lighter and he was able to see his wife differently. Mysteriously, she became transformed into a woman he loved and forgave. A person who needed him, and whom he needed as well. And the stones were lifted from the baker’s heart and he began to walk straight again and righteousness was replaced by love.[i]
Until then, Joseph was unable to move beyond the hurt and anguish of the past. Initially, he tried to forget it, even naming his first son Manesseh, which in Hebrew means “making me to forget.” But he didn’t forget, and the stones in his heart had grown heavy, and he discovered that payback brings neither joy nor reward. And finally, as his brothers stood vulnerable before him, his corroded heart finally breaks—and he reveals himself to them. And after all these years, he finds freedom from the resentment and anger that had consumed him. His tears of anger turn into tears of relief, his heart is lifted, and healing and reconciliation become possible.
You see, in forgiveness we don’t so much FORGET as we FOREGO- forego the right to anger and punishment, so that we can take charge of our inner spirit and life. Until we truly forgive a person that has hurt us, we are captive to our own anger and resentment. And we allow that person who created the pain to still exert influence over us. But when we forgive someone, our heart is liberated. We no longer hold their offense against them. And we free ourselves from the burden of being the offended one. “Forgiveness therefore liberates not only the other person, but also ourselves.”[ii]
Forgiveness doesn’t call for forgetting, and it never exonerates the ones who injure us. But in the end, it is God to whom we all must finally answer. “Even though you intended to do harm, God intended it for good,” Joseph tells them, “To preserve the lives and future of the people of God.”
Every day we are presented with the opportunity to forgive someone. It may involve something that happened long ago, or something we’re struggling with right now. It may be taking place in your home, in your workplace, even here at the church. But whatever it is and wherever it may be, one thing is certain: to stay angry and resentful, to nurse our hurts again and again, hurts US more than it punishes the other. It impedes all of our relationships, and becomes a poison that eats away at our body and soul.
Who do you need to forgive? As we kneel before God this day, my prayer for each of us is that we, too may be liberated from those chains of anger and resentment and regret that threaten to bind each of us, and freed to grab hold of the future that God has promised. Amen.
Gracious God, because you have first forgiven us, we are able to forgive others. Trust can triumph over treachery. Redemption can transform revenge. Reconciliation can make all things new. So on this very day, help us to let go of the past and invest in the future, trusting that in you, our future is filled with hope. Amen.